“Feels like deja-vu.

White tiles illuminated by flickering yellow lights. The strong unmistakable scent of spirit piercing through my nostrils. Even now, I can feel the vacuum in my head, making space to adjust the thought of this novel feeling. So much could have gone awry. We had to get it right.

You are probably feeling now what I did three decades ago. Yesterday, you were just the son of a baby boomer. By the time I land, you will have become a millennial father.

After you were born, the family was ecstatic. A son had arrived. I had my work cut out for me. But my role and duties as a father were already defined by society. Subconsciously, I commanded myself to walk the path of fatherhood tread by millions before me. I was destined to be the flagbearer and breadwinner.

Your mother was always around to take care of you. Bathe you and feed you. Calm and caress you when you cried. Reward you with a smile. When it was punishment you deserved, I made sure you felt the force of my hand. I did not enjoy it. But I did what was necessary. I toiled. I earned. Whatever I did, I did for my family’s wellbeing.

Or so I convinced myself.

I can almost hear you cutting me at this point, “Why now, dad? What does it matter? Why not years ago, when I needed to hear this?”

Well, the simple answer is – I was afraid. Of being exposed. Seeming weak. Behind my unshakable posture as the ‘MAN OF THE FAMILY’, the remnants of my true self were hidden away. I couldn’t have you see through the image I had worked so hard to manufacture.

Why now? Well, perhaps I don’t want to be remembered as just that the middle letter in your initials.

Maybe some day, you will empathize. When appraisal is around the corner and bonus is at stake, the hunger to secure financial stability will drown out your child’s cries for attention. Running through life, you will be introduced to all the justifications you sought from me. It will all make sense. My father was right all along, you will think.

Fight this thought. Reject all justifications. These are the residue feelings of a regressive collective consciousness. No matter the financial safety your family begets, distancing yourself from your spouse and child will only ensure mutual pain and suffering.

You are lucky to have a remarkable companion. Along with assisting her as husband and co-parent, help her maintain her independent identity. When in need, open yourself to her. Ask for help – in matters financial as well as emotional.

At this point, I probably sound like a chain-smoker asking another to kick the habit. I implore you nonetheless. Embrace your faults, express yourself. There is no shame in accepting defeat, crying in pain, even howling in vain. Speak out and let speak your spouse and child. Help them find themselves and flourish.

You fight tooth and nail in the temples of justice to help others get their due. Strive with equal tenacity to foster the same sense of justice within the bounds of our home too.

I’ll end the lecture with just one thing. Remember – you make me proud. Not just because your achievements are beyond expectation, but also because it is you – with the way you have brought up yourself with your “millennial ideals”– that today I have been able to see the world with a fresh – nay, the right – objective perspective. I will pray that your child builds on the same ideals.

Always yours,

Dad”

—

The ink was smudged by a solitary tear. He kept the letter in his pocket, resting a palm on his heavy heart.

“I am terribly sorry for your loss, Sir“, said the executive, while offering a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He tried to gather himself, along with all other belongings that the airlines could recover; his phone buzzing throughout the process.

“I can only imagine your plight and do not mean to intrude. But we have an urgent message from your family“. He had to deliver a message of his own. But for the moment, he looked up reluctantly as a recipient.

“Congratulations, Sir. It’s a girl“.

—