This was a hectic work day, when some of us in office needed a break. What would a group of 30 year olds do when they say they need a break? We obviously stepped out for a glass (or more) of wine. When the spirits were high, quite literally and figuratively, and “my first relationship was in college” kind of conversations had begun, I dared to ask my colleagues what love means to them. That everyone has their own version of what love means to them as a person. What would it be for each of them?

Well, do I ask weird questions like these always? Yes, I think I am infamous for crossing the line into the abstract sometimes. I suppose my colleagues are used to my weirdness by now because they did actually answer. Each had their own version, and each led to an intense discussion about, well, everything – relationships, loyalty, companionship, passion.

This high-spirited weekday session was happening at a low quality, poorly lit up, shanty little bar close to office. The kind where they serve you chakli for chakna and schezwan chutney is a meal course in and of itself.

So when I was done with my one or more glasses of wine, my colleagues and I had a long journey back home. Walking out of the bar, I hailed a kaali peeli for myself for Andheri and the cab driver instantly agreed to drive me home. I would’ve been lucky or something that day.

I peeped outside the window from the cab – the sea was glistening in the city lights, drops of rain fell on my arms, sometimes on my clothes even. Everything was beautiful outside and inside of me (thank you, Sula wines). Mehdi Hasan’s Ae Kuch Abr played on my phone and life seemed just about fine.

But somehow, one question stuck on my mind and that was my own. What does love mean to me? Was I able to answer own question?
While I keep the answer close to my heart, I think about how Hindi cinema showed us different facets of love, marriage and relationships over the years. Sometimes beautiful and aesthetic, sometimes, non-perfect and hurtful. Three such films always come to my mind.

Abhimaan – I have written about this film already but I never miss a chance to mention it to anyone. Just the kind of marriage that it was. The roles for the man and woman were already chosen but life took them some place else. Through the characters, the film makes you think about gender roles in a marriage, what ego can do to a relationship, what kind of balance one needs in a marriage, why woman’s careers need to be discussed extensively in our country, why the entire narrative of bread earner and caretaker needs to change.

Silsila – We know the gist. A love trio that only ends with the marriage being saved at all costs. Love and marriage is woven into a messy but aesthetically beautiful setting. Marriage wins even though we don’t really know if love does. Amitabh Bachchan, Jaya Bachchan and Rekha are nothing short of themselves when they portray this tragic love triangle. The film had a big budget therefore bigger sets, locations and costumes. It only added to the mess that eventually looked beautiful on screen. Who won, in the end? Tough choices were made but one question remained unanswered – did love win?

Arth – probably one of my favourites. The way Shabana’s character portrays the transition of a happy, faithful marriage into one that leads to betrayal. Her journey from struggling to save the marriage to finding her own identity; to letting go. Pooja’s (Shabana’s character) choice to live by herself at the end and choosing herself over everyone else, is the most freeing, empowering relationships of all.

A non-film example of such relationships is one that I see everyday – my parents who have been together for over 30 years. I sometimes wonder what kept them going. I don’t have an answer and maybe I never will. But all I know is love and relationships are a beautiful mess. It can pull you into its emotional mess on some days or uplift you and make you feel good on others. It’s fragile, sometimes hurtful. But would you live a life of not having ever tried it?

-Aishwarya Bedekar